The first step with regards to doing anything is more often than not the most difficult. However, Martin Luther King, a.k.a. my birthday twin and hero said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
The first step is like a breath of fresh air. “Fear nothing, attempt everything, unknown!” -Unknown
Take the first step to owning your voice, speaking your truth, and fall in love with yourself.
Like most things in life, what it commonly boils down to is simple: we need each other – whether we like it or not. If we are to exist and live, we require healthy relationships that can teach us how to know and expand ourselves. How we speak to ourselves, the opinions we have, and labels we give ourselves are a telltale sign of how we manage ourselves and will determine how we choose to share and treat others. I like to base this on the three phases of creating relationships, which is widely used in business networking, and I’ll use here to show how we love ourselves. An example of this is the Know, Like, and Trust Factor. To have a successful relationship, consider that if you understand these three phases, and use them on yourself and others to create relationships.
There’s no difference between having a relationship with yourself or another person. Having a relationship with another person gives you a mirror to see yourself. It’s important that we take these phases, put them into action, and then practice them. Adopting these steps will help you build meaningful connections which can result in meaningful, stable relationships.
Step 1: Know
Just like you would get to know another human being, it’s important to get to know yourself. It’s important to know yourself in a way that allows you to know and share what you’re about. What you say about yourself becomes law in your universe. So asking yourself questions is important to know and understand what you’re saying about yourself and how you show up in the world amongst your friends, colleagues, family, and everyone. Such as:
-What do I do?
-What do I know?
-Where am I from?
-What am I interested in?
-What inspires me?
-What am I committed to?
-What do I care about?
-Who am I as a human being?
-What do I love about my life? Myself? (This one’s my favorite)
As we all know, there are a million-and-one questions one could ask and know about oneself. However, the key is to be able to share your discoveries so that others can be related to what you know about yourself and, in turn, feel free to share themselves.
The more you know about yourself, and the more you can share, the more open and secure you will be. Personal freedom provides a space for others to know you and, in turn, you will get to know them. However, there are no guarantees. No one has to share themselves with you. Consider what it takes for you to learn about yourself. It might’ve not been easy. It calls for a particular level of trust which brings us to step number 2:
Step 2: Like
The “Like” I’m talking about is how you feel about yourself. It’s not the kind of “like” where you compromise yourself because you want to be validated. That kind lives as no respect; no sense of self “like me; please like me.” The kind where one is not very confident and will compromise themselves. That is not the same “like.”
“Do you like yourself?” is one of the first questions I often ask my clients. What I’ve found is some people have a difficult time with this question. If you experience hesitation, take a long pause, or hear crickets when you find yourself sitting in your head not being present, waiting for answers; then this should be a clue to you that you might not like yourself.
This kind of person excites me and saddens me at the same time. A person that likes themselves, usually answers the question as soon as it’s asked. There’s no hesitation; they’re not making themselves wrong.
Am I pleasant?
Am I respectful?
Do I do as I say I will when I say I will do it?
Do I have things in common with others?
What are my values?
Can I trust myself?
Do I accept myself?
Am I likable?
Am I generous?
Do I find myself attractive?
Do I care about myself?
Do I nurture myself, my dreams, and aspirations?
How are my confidence and self-esteem?
How do I see myself?
These questions seem easy. However, if you can’t answer them, you might find yourself experiencing difficulty sharing with people.
Step 3: Trust
Trust is the fuel in your tank of life. If you trust yourself, you can and will trust others, as you ultimately know that you’re the person that is choosing to trust. You know that you’re the one that is responsible for your belief to believe in trust. With that, you create a sense of freedom. You have power and, you can, in turn, depend on yourself to take care of yourself and ask the right questions, so you don’t wallow in regret and mess. Trusting yourself provides you the power to listen to your instincts and follow your wisdom, discover the places that get activated; for instance, your gut when you don’t feel trust. You make yourself your authority on what is right for you. Which helps develop the confidence that you can provide others. You’ll go within yourself rather than looking for answers outside yourself or from others; always being aware that no one has your answers. However, not negating that there will be times when you’ll have to seek guidance from others. Seeking help will be a form of contrast in areas of your life that you are unfamiliar. People will give their tuppence worth; ultimately you still have to choose what’s true for you based upon your level of self-trust.
Do I trust myself?
Do I trust my behaviors? Habits?
Can I trust myself to handle life challenges?
Do I trust and stand for myself?
Do I trust and believe in myself?
Can I trust my judgments?
Can I trust that I’m working in my best interest?
Do I believe that I’m growing and developing as a human being?
Do I know if I have trust in myself?
Can I be trusted?
Do people trust me?
Do I honor my word?
Consequently, until you have gone through these three phases personally, you will have a hard time going through them with others. Without self-trust, you will always be looking outside of yourself, consider that you’ll experience challenging times growing, creating, and developing yourself.
Have faith, stay strong, and be interested in yourself so that you can be interested in others.
From time to time you may feel as though your life isn’t working. One thing to remember is that you’re not an object nor are you static. You are a fluid human being who is forever changing, growing, shifting, and transforming in your life.
Be consistent and play with these phases. Commit know, like, and trust to memory. Go easy, and most of all have fun, own your voice, speak your truth, and Live Life Your Way!
Love yourself. Until next time!